You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
So apparently I’m into choking now
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
