I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
And the cops told us we were all naked.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize