so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
