Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
