you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
