masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
