if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
