I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize