Do vagina's smell?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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