I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
