We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
