Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
