East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
