i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize