Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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