we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
