so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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