I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
You smell like stripper and shame
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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