grandma shit on top of the toilet
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
