You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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