Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
