You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize