You were right. It hurts to walk today.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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