i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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