Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
