Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
