and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
