At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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