Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
