And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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