"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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