I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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