hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
