well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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