Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
