look no pants
tell your sister to shave her snatch
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
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