is your mom at the bar?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
