Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
