I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
