he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
