Kareoke will never be a sober sport
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
