somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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