oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
