We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
