I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
