Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
