lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
