i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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