I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
