***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
