btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
