you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
