i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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