im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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