I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
