Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
