When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
