somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
