yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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