Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
