I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
