I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
