We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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