just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
