How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
