cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just gargled with NyQuil
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
