We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
