i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
