there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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