God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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