Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
