My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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