So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
