speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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