I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
