my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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