checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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