I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize