Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
