god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
