What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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