Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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