all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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