My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
