I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
