Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
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