____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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