I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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