Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize