she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize
