Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
