Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize