Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
