I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
