I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
