PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
