If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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