my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
