i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
