About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
