Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
