I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
It's shark week go big or go home
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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