Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
