i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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