He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
